love makes seman taste better
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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