Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
