so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
