Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
