I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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