he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
