I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
