You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
