you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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