Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize