You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize