My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have aggressive nipples.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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