She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
