You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
