i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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