I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
