He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
