R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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