so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
