he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize