you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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