thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
