I wish I only lived at night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
