Pants 0. Shit 1.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
