I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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