i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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