i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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