Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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