trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if only i could text you this smell
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
