your parents love me but you hate me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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