pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
