Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
