We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
