How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
