just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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