Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
