the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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