She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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