i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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