The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize