i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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