yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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