she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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