Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
