Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Drake has all the answers
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
