We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I stole a fireplace last night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
