My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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