Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize