Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
