Just fell off a train. Bad.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
