Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
