We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
