but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize