discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
