dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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