I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
