I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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