he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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