Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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