He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
