I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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