took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
