I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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