Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
