1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
