Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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