I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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