im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
